‘The Bachelorette’ Jillian Harris’ perfect white teeth reminded me it was time for a batch of Crest Whitestrips. They were glowing, as was the petite bride-to-be, who is currently living in Chicago with her fiancé Ed.
During her FMA interview with correspondent and ex-boyfriend Kirk Renard, Jillian joked about ‘the hotdog diet’ being the secret to her tiny 101-pound frame. On ABC’s ‘The Bachelor’, she theorized about dog toppings and what each reveals about a man. Her musings nearly became available in the form of an iPhone app.
How it all began:
One Vancouver night out at the Roxy, a Ferrari-driving male jingled his car keys at Jill and asked if she’d go home with him. She pretty much laughed in his face and told him she’d prefer a donkey ride. Off he went.
‘Why do I attract this type?!’ the soon-to-be Bachelorette wondered…not that Ferrari drivers are bad people, but she doubted they were generally the type to enjoy wiener roasts and camping – two of her favorite activities.
Her best friend and witness to the scene commented that she needed ‘a good sauerkraut guy’. Jill disagreed, saying she’d prefer a ‘ketchup or a mustard guy’. The two theorized about male characteristics and their relation to how each dresses their meat. Alas, ‘the hotdog theory’ was born, becoming Jill’s claim to fame on her first-ever appearance on ABC’s hit show.
Snippets from ‘The Hotdog Theory:
Ketchup guy: kind of boring and certainly not for everyone. He’s kind of a mama’s boy: dependable, sensitive, and close to his family. He might be a little cheap with birthday and Christmas presents but at least he’ll remember them. Overall, he’s a good solid guy, but a little ‘ho-hum’.
Raw onion guy: never gets married. He burps, farts, hunts, fishes, drives a big truck, and says, ‘hey babe’, a lot. For some reason, many women are attracted to him. Very often, he is rough-shaven.
Sauerkraut guy: usually good looking with a big personality and lots of confidence. Girls love his spontaneity. He always cheats.
Fried onion guy: same as raw onion guy but gets married several times.
Relish guy: very creative and artsy. He’s kind of like ketchup guy (bit of a mama’s boy) but has weird fetishes.
‘Humdoger’ is Jill’s favorite Vancouver hotdog stand (and if you don’t like it, you get your money back!). As for toppings, she goes for pickles, sauerkraut, mustard, ketchup, cheese, onions, and jalapenos. Go girl.
Anyone who salts and peppers their oysters is a person whose food sense I trust. That’s just what Jill did at Rodney’s, our post-interview hangout. So, next craving…I’m skipping my usual Japa Dog (below) for a fully loaded Humdoger.
Years ago, KFC catered Jill’s parents’ wedding. It would only be fitting to continue the comfort food tradition by serving hot dogs on her own special day. I smell a trend!
Ciao for now.